Is Happiness Out of my Reach?

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On the drive home today my thoughts were wandering, and I found myself thinking, what am I doing here? Why can’t I be happy with my job? Am I ever going to find a job that makes me happy? I’m sure reading this you’re thinking “everyone is unhappy with their job in some form” No one is completely happy with their job! To understand why happiness matters to me, perhaps it’s good to know a bit more about me. I consider myself a dreamer, no not daydreaming, but rather I’ve always had a vision of my future in my head. So far I feel as though I’ve been going down alternate paths for quite some time now.

In order to function, I must me internally motivated to do my job. Money, fame, prestige doesn’t matter to me that much. The sheer joy you get from doing something you love, that’s what gets me going each day. After my Military career I decided that there was something else out there for me, I didn’t know what it was, but I was willing to take the risk to go find out. This past year has been really great. After graduating college last year, I felt that I was finally on the right path; that happiness was right around the corner. Aside from knowing that I’m intrinsically motivated, I learnt that I like being in-front of people; which is interesting since I consider myself a bit reserved and introverted. I also found out that I like helping people; I find great satisfaction helping others on their life journey. Additionally I’ve connected spiritually to God and those around me; I know everyone has their belief system, and that’s ok; this is the one I believe in.

While I’ve made so much progress spiritually and in my personal life, I feel my work life is a few miles behind the progress I’ve made in other areas. I keep telling myself to just hang in there; my joy is just around the corner. But each day it’s a struggle, waking up and going to a job I know isn’t exactly what my spirit longs for. I’ve thought about it, I’ve prayed about it, I’ve seen signs telling me what to do. But I have to admit, I’m not quite ready to take that leap of faith. I’m not ready to jump, and then wait to see where I land. My hearth is telling me I should be bold, I should jump, and that it will be ok. I have to admit the fear of not knowing what comes next is paralyzing me, I don’t know if I’ll find another job, let alone one that makes me happy. It’s kind of funny though, I’ve been telling others around be to be bold, be vulnerable, to listen to their hearths. Here I am not taking my own advice. Perhaps just getting the thought out there is a good step. Who knows who will read this, and where it will take me. I want to be able to wake up and be happy about where I’m going, then at the end of the day be happy about where I’ve been. Am I asking for too much, or is life just supposed to be like this; I refuse to believe that. I’m not the type of person who settles for the usual, or even believes “well that’s just the way life is”. I believe life is what I make of it. Now for the hard part, getting up and making my own path. Wish me luck, I know that I’m destined for something greater, that’s what I choose to believe.

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