Why does Letting go have to be so Hard!

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Remember that time not long ago when you were learning to ride a Bike? Not to give my age away or  anything but it’s been a few decades for me. At first you were a bit apprehensive to get on the bike, the  little training wheels didn’t seem like they cold hold you up. Eventual you got on, started peddling,  with a gentle push from your parent of course. Then remember how easily you would get stuck in the  beginning, especially when the training wheels were all the way down? Eventually you could get going  with no help, then eventually the training wheels would be slowly moved up. Then came that day for  you to try it without the wheels, you just didn’t think you had it in you, even though you’ve been  riding with the training wheels up for a while; you just seemed to lack that confidence. Your parent  would hold you just for that boost of confidence, you’d slowly start peddling, then you’d get faster and  faster. Then there’s that moment you look around to say “hey look I’m doing it”, then to your horror  there was no one behind you. Eventually you gained the confidence to get on the bike by yourself,  you’d go everywhere, no one could stop you.

I started thinking of that today as I’m thinking how fearful I am to start the next phase of my journey. I’ve been having that scared feeling that I’m not tapping into my full potential, that I should be doing something where I can influence more people. As I talked about in a previous post, I’ve been learning more about myself spiritually and personally. I feel that encouraging and counseling others is my calling, and it’s become abundantly clear that I’m not doing that as well as I can. It’s also clear that a career change might be just the thing I need. Which begs the question, if after a year of not figuring out what to do after graduating College, then how am I going to figure it out now? What if I quit my current path to do something else, what if I fail, what if… I can go on and on, but the thing that strikes me is that I’m typically not the person to be gripped by fear. I like taking challenges, I like pushing myself, I like doing things others don’t think I could do. That’s what my military life represented, I joined the service that others thought I could never pass, of course I spent 10 years there; showed those naysayers! How did I become so weighed down by fear.

Well it’s time to strap my booths back on, time to take a dive and see what happens. Not to worry though I’m confident that I’ll land in just the right place. Not only do I have a strong faith, but I have incredible friends and family who are here to support me. It was evident from my last post “Inspirations come from the least unlikely source” that I’m so blessed that even people in my daily life are feeling compelled to helping me. This brings be to what I said about letting go, it takes time, but eventually I’ll be riding the bike with no training wheels. I’m excited and apprehensive about the coming weeks, I feel as though changes are taking hold of me, and in some cases it’s taken on a life of it’s own. I can’t sabotage it even if I try. Just like that first time you realized that you were riding on your own, there is that feeling of freedom. I’m excited because I’m going to get an opportunity to do something that brings me much joy. Now that I think about it, it seemed like a silly activity to take up, I honestly thought it was “Unmanly, right up there with wearing pink, and talking about feelings and all that stuff.” Not that I’m admitting that I do any of that stuff now, but it’s really not that bad!

I’m not quite there yet, so I don’t want to give away too much details. I feel that I’ve been on the right path, the picture wasn’t always been clear, but I also knew that I was going to be ok. I’ve had many trials that tested my faith and my resolve, but I’m stronger now, and I’m anxiously awaiting the next chapter.

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 So what are you holding on to, what are you afraid of? Whether you’re religious or not, it’s still true that God or the Universe only gives you what you can bear. When you have the strength to take on bigger challenges, they always seem to line up perfectly. I suppose that’s what patience is about, at the right time you will reap the reward. I caution you though, as you’re embarking on your journey, don’t forget the people that got you there. Remember to thank them every so often, remind them that they are awesome, and that you feel really blessed to have them in your life.

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