Coming into my Masculinity Full Circle

love-kiss-man-woman-silhouette-fire-smoke

I was speaking to a friend last night after she read my last post, while she thought it was a great post; and that it revealed another layer to me. She did point out that I always seem to stay away from sex, and she was right, I was intentional in that. I soon realized though that she was right, it’s a vital part of who I am, and to not talk about that aspect, wouldn’t give a full picture of who I am. So I’ve decided to break my silence. I decided to start writing because I wanted to have a record of my transformation, and my hope is that I may help others on their journey also, so leaving out this part won’t be a full picture of my journey.

***This post deviates from my usual safe topics, and I’m about to embark on one that’s seen as a bit taboo, but if you’ve read any of my other posts you’ll no I’m never afraid to say what I mean. This topic might be a bit more graphic for some, So this is your opportunity to stop reading. I do encourage you to keep reading though, as always I will give a full picture of what I’m talking about, and by reading all the way to the end, you won’t get any misunderstands about my view.***

So where do I start!

I’m sure that my now most of you should know that I’m Christian, and I believe strongly in my faith. While I’ve been Christian for most of my life, there was a point in my life where I strayed away from my faith. I’ve since returned, and I continue to grow everyday. Late last year I heard a teaching at my church on The Power of Love, and it has changed my view on Sex, and my conduct as a Christian. Since that message I’ve decided to Abstain from sex until I’m married. As a Christian it’s taught that sex outside of Marriage is a Sin. While Christians are generally conservative, it’s my belief that God intended for sex to be something that is ammazing, exciting, and will leave you writhing with pleasure.

“…Then I could kiss you no matter who was watching, and no one would criticize me. I would bring you to my childhood home, and there you would teach me. I would give you spiced wine to drink, my sweet pomegranate wine. Your left arm would be under my head, and your right arm would embrace me… I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers. When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees…”

No that is not a quote from the newest steamy novel, it’s form the Bible, specifically Song of Solomon 8. I know this is just one chapter, but there are several other cases of this type of language.

So how should I behave!

“Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people” – Ephesians 5:3 (NLT)

Here we learn that many sexual behavior is condemned outside of a covenant relationship. It’s also interesting to note that the Greek word pornea is used here, which is the word for pornography. Impurity, meaning washed clean; also referring to being in a self-serving mind set. Lastly greed referring to not getting your own needs met. When we combine the three, we see that Sex is part of the covenant relationship, and taking any action that is self satisfying (including masturbation), or somehow getting your needs met, would constitute as sin. Now I know you’re thinking that with all those rules, it doesn’t leave me much room. Well you’re right, but if you follow the path, it’s also very rewarding in the end. I was practicing this but without much of a method, or a guide on how to conduct myself, I was a bit lost. I read a post from another writer Bryan Reeves, and I believe that through his work on the subject of Male Sexual Energy, I’ve found a kind of Guiding Principles to help me in my walk of abstinence.

Doing nothing is a Option!

Since very young, men are taught to respond to a female’s presence by acknowledging her with an action. Then as a teen we’reMan looking at woman thought that if we see a beautiful girl, “we’re to go get her number” or “go talk to her.” In instances where a few males are gathered together, at the mere hint of a female, it seems they become a pack of apes, hollering and hooting at her. For the male that doesn’t replicate this behavior, he is seen as weird, and the most hated question “why wont’ you go talk to her? do you not like girls?”  Bryan suggests that instead of responding in the way we’ve learnt all our life, what if we acknowledge that we’re aroused, and then do nothing! Additionally there seems to be the idea that on the opposite side of sexual arousal is a relationship. The “I think she’s hot, so I must start a relationship with her” syndrome. As I’m sure you all know physical attraction is only a very small element of a successful relationship. How many people have met someone very attractive, and things fizzled very quickly after. By not acting on every sexual urge, we give the other parts of our brain to process and think. A man is a visual creature, and a woman’s body is curvaceous, and with every rise and fall or her skin, it brings a very strong arousal in a man. In many cases though, you don’t just go around having sex with every attractive person you see, so how has doing nothing not caught on yet?

Delayed Gratification brings greater pleasure later!

By not giving into every single sexual feeling, I can learn to harness it in one direction. Women imagine if your guy comes home, you’re sitting on the couch reading a book/watching TV (in hopes of not being chauvinistic or stereotypical, this seemed a better example). He’s been thinking about you all day, and he can harness all that sexual energy into not just being sensual, but also be ravishing. Then you have one of those toe curling episodes, where you feel satiated rather than the usual “Ok get away from me now feeling.” As Bryan suggests, instead of focusing purely on a woman’s physical body, you learn to respect, and understand her mind and body as one. By channeling all your energy into one relationship, it gives greater focus. By understanding that you will have periods where you’ll be sexually aroused, and sometimes by others who’s not your spouse, you learn that you don’t have to act on it. By understanding that this is how you were made, there is also no guilt, but when you do decide to act, it’s in a focused direction.

So what does this have to do with Anything!

By practicing abstinence, not only am I fulfilling my Biblical directives, but I’m also keeping my sexual energy for a committed relationship. Understanding that I will be sexually aroused, but that I don’t have to act, helps me to harness my energy. Harnessing my energy helps me to focus all of that energy on one person, in explosive passion and service. I’m only at the beginning of my journey, so it’s too soon to really tell what the benefits will be. From my experience so far, I’ve felt an awakening in me though. By not objectifying women, I’ve began to see them more that physical objects, that I have to acknowledge in some kind of prehistoric display. As I continue to learn, I anticipate that I will get to the next stage, mind and body.

**Thank you for reading, I hope it wasn’t too bad. I wanted to give a clearer picture of my journey and what I’m hoping to accomplish. As with my last post, I hope that this can help spark conversations between men and women. There is a greater love and level of satisfaction for everyone out there. Imagine a world where we learn to harness and perfect our sexual energy. Seem to me there could be more peace!!**

 

 

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Tis the Season!

Christmas

I thought I’d deviate from my usual writing about self-improvement, or general optimism and talk about something even more important. What is life? Is it about amassing great possessions so that we can brag to our friends about what great things we’ve gained? Is it about accomplishing your dreams despite what damage it may do to others? While each person has their own unique vision for their life, for me living isn’t about just you. It’s about being in harmony with everything around you. It’s about giving everyone the same opportunities. While I welcome the holidays, sometimes I feel as though some have forgotten the true meaning. Christmas is a time for family, and giving, and sharing with others. To some extent that’s true, but we’ve been told since child hood that it’s about the birth of Jesus. Being christian myself, I welcome that thought, that people that don’t believe in Christ; will acknowledge him. While it’s no consolation, it’s a good start. What did Jesus believe then? There are so many things to list, but a few of the basic tenants were to LOVE others (despite their sins, status, or beliefs) and giving to those in need. I bring this up because I believe that we’ve gotten away from those tenants. Christmas has become about giving presents, and buying bigger and better outlandish gifts. Sure you should give to others, but giving something to someone who has plenty rather than someone who has none, I believe is a deviation of what Christmas was about.

Man of the YearAlthough I’m not Catholic, I admire what the new Pope is saying. Some of those tenants I’ve mentioned above are the ones he’s embracing, and he’s chastising those who have forgotten them. I commend his boldness, for getting back to what Christ is all about, LOVE and helping the needy. Of course there are those out there who have negative things to say, he’s challenging what we have become. Instead of helping humanity be better, and making this world better for everyone. Many of us have been too self absorbed, busy with our lives, fighting for that next new shiny thing. For me I like that a religious figure, and one that is trying to make humanity a better place, is the focal point of discussion. Despite some of the negative comments, and even those that this post might evoke. I like that someone is out there challenging the status quo. I think we have been idolizing celebrities who are just like some of those shiny objects we work so hard to gain. They’re here one day, then forgotten the next. In case you didn’t know, Nelson Mandela recently passed. He has been such an iconic figure, and he died knowing that he made a difference in the world. I think it’s remarkable that he lived to see what he had done. So many of our icons never get to realize their dreams.

There is still plenty of hope in humanity though. I’ve heard of so many examples of this during the week, people helping others and giving to those in need. The one that touched me the most is what a group of kids in Alabama did. Some of you might have heard of the 6th Avenue Baptist Church in Birmingham Alabama. It’s good to see while it became famous for tragedy, people rose up from that tragedy, and started a movement. It’s one of the catalyst for another one of our most iconic figures, Dr Martin Luther King Jr. It’s good to see that after all these years, it’s still a source for good things in the world. If you don’t mind your heart strings being pulled, check out Alabama Cub Scouts raise money for K.I.N.D Fund. I heard of another story on the radio today also. A local car dealership owner in San Diego paying for people’s lay-away bills at Walmart and Kmart. These are the kind of stories that remind me what what Christmas is really about.

So I challenge you, don’t forget what specific holidays are about. Don’t become one of those people who doesn’t show love, or comfort, or give to someone who truly needs it. If you feel so inclined to give, don’t just give to those around you who may already have. Why not give to someone who needs it, to someone who your gift of love will actually make their lives better. I was speaking to my friend about love a few weeks ago, and he repeated something I vaguely remember saying, but apparently it resonated with him. He asked me “should I feel guilty about giving, or about feeling good about giving?” My response went something like this.

Love is self-less, it doesn’t concern it self with what others think, it’s also in harmony with EVERYTHING around it. Love is kind, and doesn’t expect anything in return. Love is the way it is just because, it doesn’t expect a reward for what it does. And most importantly love really doesn’t care weather you like it or not. To know if you’re doing something out of love ask yourself. Why am I doing this, do I expect something from this? Another good way to measure if you’re doing something out of love is this. When you do something for someone and they don’t acknowledge you, what’s your reaction? Do you thing, you ungrateful %$^&*. If that’s your response, well chances are you didn’t do that thing for love. Well not the kind of love that was just talked about above.

As we get closer to the Holidays, let’s all do a little part to make the world better. There are many causes that help promote good, why not take a small portion and give it to a cause that will be life changing. I know sometimes I don’t give when I should, the voice in my head says “but what is your little money going to do anyway.” The answer of course is that you can give a desk to a child who has never seen one, or it can provide food for a whole family, and so many other causes to many to list. A thought was echoed by Laurence O’donnell earlier this week, one of those children you help could help cure cancer, or solve a world problem, or so many other great things. By giving to someone in need, you’re helping grow humanity and make it better for all, all by doing one simple act of kindness. Wow that’s powerful, not that’s what the Christmas spirit is about!