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Love,Sex, Marriage. A Modern Man’s Perspective!!

Holding Hands Walking

These past few months have been interesting, it’s as if someone turned on a switch. For the first time, I’m really giving a lot of thought to my future. I thought that I’d take some time to reflect back and try to make a succinct thought on what my expectations are for my next relationship. At the same time I thought it would be great to look back at some of my previous thoughts, and see how they have evolved. Since turning 34, I’ve been really thinking about my future, both marriage and career. I’m not one to just jump into anything blindly, call me cautiously optimistic, I’m also the type that has to HAVE A PLAN! I know some of you neurotics will get this. Of course in preparing for this post I wrote down a few key points that I thought I should cover, but as things go, that plan quickly went out the window. Before I get into it, I wanted to make clear that I’m currently reading a book called “The Sacred Search- What if it’s not about who you marry, but why” by Gary Thomas. I wanted to state this upfront because as I was reading, I realized that many of the points I was making in my previous posts, were more succinctly made in this book. I’ll do my best at being clear about what are my thoughts and what are from The Sacred Search.

The One, a single person’s Unicorn!!

Movies and society seems to have a narrative about “The One” when you find them, they will complete you, make you feel whole, they’ll be your light in the darkness. This person posses something you lack. It’s interesting though, after a break-up you hear a totally different narrative, work on yourself first, learn to love yourself, you need to heal yourself before you move on. So of the two which is true, they’re opposite points so they both can’t be true. In Sacred Search, Gary Thomas points out a possible hurdle with thinking that “The One” will complete you. You see when you depend on someone else to make you whole, you’re coming from a place of weakness. We’re all human and have our own faults, what happens when that person isn’t physically able to carry you? What happens when the stresses of life and work are too great for them to carry, and have to carry you too? That could create a situation where that person feels too much pressure, and when they’re not able to carry you, what then, how will you go on? In contrast coming from a place of worth and self-confidence in yourself, you don’t need another person to carry you through the relationship. For me what I’ve noticed is that relationships should be Mutually Beneficial, instead of the other person picking you up and carrying you. If you’re both there to guide each other on your respective paths, if the other person is physically incapable of guiding you at a certain point, you’ll be more than capable of helping yourself. Because you already possess the strength to carry yourself, you’re also capable of helping your partner through their difficult times. Life isn’t always what we imagine, sometimes you finally get that dream job, and it’s not as you’ve imagined. What happens when the insatiable romance fades, what happens when you get to know the other person better, and they’re not everything you thought they’d be? If life has thought us anything, it’s that in most cases when you put a person on a pedestal, most of the time they don’t have the qualities you thought they had.

We just had Sex, OH I think I LOVE YOU!

I’m no Scientist or even a psychologist, but why is it that when you have sex with someone, after being intimate for the first time, or even after a few times, you find yourself thinking, wow are they “The One”? Perhaps Science can help explain this better than I can, there are chemicals that are released in our bodies. One such chemical is the hormone Oxytocin (also known as the love or bonding hormone)which is released after sex, and makes you feel more connected to your partner. One of it’s effects is the desire to cuddle, while this hormone is present in both male and female, they do effect them differently. The human body and brain are very complex, and the various chemicals released could cause a false sense of a connection that might not be there. Instead of just focusing on the strong feelings you get after sex, or in the beginning of a relationship, Sacred Search cautions us to wait until at least after the 1st year before we make any big commitments. I’ve seen first hand friends’ relationships that end, and you hear the old saying “I don’t know who you are anymore.” While physical attraction and sexual chemistry are important. A healthy sex life does more than satiate your sexual urges, it creates a deeper connection (chemically). That’s why it’s ultimately important, for the longevity of your relationship, that you’re in it for more than the sexual chemistry and physical attraction. Gary Thomas points out this is the reason it’s important to also base your relationship on deeper things such as Values, Beliefs, and Life-Goals. Ask any married couple, that insatiable sex drive eventually fades. Of course there are exceptions to that rule, you probably know of a couple that are even more intimate than when they first met many years ago.

I’m committed to you, WELL except for A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I. Besides that though, I’m totally committed!

In my naive mind, I saw a relationship as something you stick to for the long run, well that is unless you come across major differences. In that case, sure divorce might be an option. Not to get biblical or anything, but the Bible never saw marriage that way. When you get married you’re committing to stay together forever, and work out your differences. Now you’re probably thinking “What if my spouse develops or I uncover some serious problems?” That’s why asking yourself “Why am I getting married” rather than who you’re marrying is so important. Gary Thomasuggests that instead of being blinded by the Intense Infatuation you feel in the beginning, remember the chemicals in your body are automatically giving you a false sense of connection to that person. We should find out about the other person, ask questions to see if our values and beliefs are aligned. Remember it’s possible to feel intensely connected to a person, and then find out they’re verbally or physically abusive. Sadly many people still stay in these relationships. In my writing and reflection I did in the past few months, that’s the conclusion I came to also. When you make a commitment, it’s FOREVER, through sickness and health, for better or worse, in richer or poorer. People are inherently flawed, we all have our battles we’re fighting, and at some level you cant hold it against your spouse for also being broken. At the same time though, when buying a car or a house we do our research, and marriage is supposed to last longer than all of those things. We can’t be naive, we should definitely ask the tough questions, sure we may have to walk away from that relationship, and breaking up is HARD. Not to sound insensitive, but if we choose the wrong person to spend the rest of our lives with, we’re going to end up doing much more damage to both of us, and our families that have to endure those relationships.

Seriously GOD why haven’t you given me a perfect Wife/Husband Yet!

“Have I done all that I can?” “Have I put in the WORK?” These are a few of the questions I started asking myself a few months back, not just about my relationships, but about my career also. In my reflection I found that I sometimes came from a perspective of privilege, feeling that I’ve worked hard enough, I DESERVE to get it easy now. That of course is a fundamental flaw in looking at life through that lens. Life doesn’t care if you’ve been good or bad, whether you’ve worked hard or not. It will be life, it will have it’s good moments of immense joy and jubilation; and it will also have it’s moments of deep despair. How we approach each situation depends on us, when you put in the work you get to reap the benefits. Aside from a few fortunate ones, many people that are rich are that way because they have sacrificed a lot to get there. There’s no easy road. Whether you’re religious or not, have you found yourself saying “God why haven’t you sent me the perfect wife/husband yet?” I didn’t know this, but as far as biblical references, aside from a handful of times, God never specifically ordained a spouse for anyone. When talking about marital choices the bible talks about “wise or unwise” choices. I know that Romance movies idolizes two people meeting, that were destined to be together. What we’re forgetting though is that those are the exceptions not the rule. We’d all like to feel special, but for most of us we have to work hard for what we want. If you want a dream spouse, then you have to go out and find her/him

For those that are embarking on that journey to find the partner that’s best suited for them. I hope these few words can help guide you in your decisions. Relationships are inherently hard, we don’t need to create our own obstacles. Whether you’re thinking about marriage, or just looking for a long-term relationship, we have to go into it with as much information as possible. Making a bad decision is already painful enough, but if you can avoid it all together, why not take that extra step. As always go with love, and may you find peace and joy as you embark on your journey.

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Doing what you Love requires WORK, lots of Hard Work!!

Happy Tuesday, with a new day brings new possibilities to do life differently. My last post Coming into my Masculinity Full Circle was a bit more intimate, in that I was willing to share things about myself that were more personal. It was completely unexpected that I would get as much love and acknowledgement that I got. I generally am a private person, so giving details about my journey to virtual strangers wasn’t easy, but in doing so I believe I got one step closer to my goal. I started writing so that I could look back and see where I came from, and my transformation on the way. One of my newest followers from my latest post begintobelieve was also one of the many things that inspired me this week, with the post “How to stay Connected to your Purpose…”

This past Saturday I had a bad day at work, a series of experiences had me questioning whether it was time for something new! I however quickly got over it, because for most of the week I was being primed by various things I saw. The constant message that I got was that work, will be hard, and at times unbearable. For most of us that’s what work is, it’s something we do because it will give us the resources to do other things that are more important to us. Besides a bad day at work is by no means a rare occurrence, so why was I so easily ready to “throw in the towel?” Although I left on Saturday feeling frustrated, the following day I went in with an attitude of grace, kindness, and an overall good mood.

I had a Bad Day, so what!!

I think part of the reason I was able to bounce back is because of a few things I saw during the week. I don’t have the Job I want now, but it doesn’t mean I can’t continue to work towards what I want. One of the lessons my new job has thought me is that I get great satisfaction from working with my hands, and fixing things. While the interaction with other people might not be pleasant, I will still have overall satisfaction from what I do. It’s also interesting that the same week I decide to “Go all In” meaning that I would continue to find ways to get what I want out of my job, my boss approached me with an opportunity for more responsibility in my first job. To make it more appealing, the new responsibilities involved me working with my hands, and using my mechanical ability to find problems and implement solutions. Having a bad day was a way for me to face a fear that has been hidden for sometime now. I just became another year older with my Birthday a month ago, and I keep feeling that I’ve failed because I don’t have the career I think I should have. The reality though is that most of us don’t have the career we desire, and we learn to make do with what’s in front of us, and make the best of it. By giving my all in my current jobs, I’m putting myself in a position for recognition for other responsibilities. After-all the new responsibilities I got was my boss’s idea, although it’s something I was thinking about, he initiated the conversation.

Do what you Love, and you’ll never WORK a day in your life!!

I’ve heard that saying over and over again, but are we setting ourselves up for failure by thinking that way? Do what you loveIn a way it’s the “I’ll get that great job and then…” syndrome. Getting a great job is a great goal, but that job WILL come with challenges. I feel that thinking if I do something I love I’ll never work isn’t giving the real picture. While some hobbies are fun, it doesn’t mean that you will yield something that’s financially sustainable. Doing something you love does come with work, you face new challenges, uncertainty, and failure at every turn. So while you’ll be happy, does it mean you’ll be happy 100% of the time. My Pastor Steve touched on this recently also, sure he loves teaching, but there are times he would rather do a mundane task such as “pumping gas” It touches on the larger point that we expect 100% satisfaction form what we do. In my Research on “Workplace Motivation” for my Business Psychology degree, I found the same evidence. I interviewed multiple participants, and none of them were 100% happy with their jobs. What they were though was largely satisfied with what they do, and the person who rated themselves as highly satisfied, gave a self rating of 9 out of 10. Although they were highly satisfied, there was still plenty of room for growth. They were working in a once in a lifetime opportunity, and was something that they weren’t looking for. When I hear stories of people who made a profession out of something they’re passionate about, I’m cautious in my rush to emulate them. Sometimes you have to ask is that person is the exception or the rule. Put another way not everyone will find meaningful work, and and what they do may not be financially sustainable. The majority of us will have to make do with what we have.

Find ways to incorporate your passion into what you do NOW!

“Get creative!  From time to time come up with ideas on how to incorporate what you love into your work while staying in line with doing what you have to do.” – begintobelieve

While it might not be possible for all of us to find something we love, and make it a career. The opportunity still exists to find waysHard Work to incorporate our passion into our current work. I think it was interesting that when I accepted that idea, God/The Universe delivered on that promise. As I mentioned earlier I was offered an opportunity for more responsibilities at one of my current jobs, and the new responsibility was aligned with what bring me satisfaction at work. Sometimes work isn’t always going to bring us everything we’re looking for. There’s no rule that says you can’t do something you’re passionate about outside of work. A friend has been telling me for months now to volunteer at my church, she thinks I would be great in a Counseling/Teaching role, and for a long time I’ve been ignoring her. I think I was looking for a “One Stop Shop” kind of opportunity. Perhaps my journey is to devote myself to various areas, and each bringing me a different satisfaction, and together they’ll give me the kind of satisfaction I’m looking for; it may take some juggling.

What’s your Priority!

Where do you rate work? My Pastor Steve made a great point this weekend “We’re not supposed to be completely satisfied with WORK” Or put another way, there are other things in our lives that should be more important than work. His priorities looked something like this 1. God 2. Family 3. Others 4. Work 5. Church. I thought it was both interesting and refreshing that “The Church” came where it was on the list, while church is important, it’s not meant to be everything in your life, not even more than family and fostering other relationships. When I say Church, I’m talking about the physical building, not your devotion to God. While work does give you money, which gives you resources, and those resources to build a better life. I see many people putting work before their relationships, and for me that’s a deal breaker. Sometimes I know I’m guilty of putting work ahead of many things, “I can’t take this weekend off, or I can’t go to that event, I have to work” One of the things I learnt in my Research about Workplace Motivation is that it’s about a balance, those who were happiest didn’t think that work was everything. So while work is important, it can’t be my only source of happiness. What about family, friends, nature or other aspects of life? It’s also true that I’m not currently in the particular field that I think will bring me satisfaction, but I can’t let that be my only source for happiness, I have to find ways to diversify my happiness portfolio.

Thank you for reading, as I continue on my journey, I hope that we can influence each others. I find that others can be a great source of inspiration, of course looking within is also key. We spend most of our time at work, I hope we can learn to find ways to make it more satisfying. After all it’s called a Work/Life balance for a reason, we’re supposed to have a mix between work and life.

Coming into my Masculinity Full Circle

love-kiss-man-woman-silhouette-fire-smoke

I was speaking to a friend last night after she read my last post, while she thought it was a great post; and that it revealed another layer to me. She did point out that I always seem to stay away from sex, and she was right, I was intentional in that. I soon realized though that she was right, it’s a vital part of who I am, and to not talk about that aspect, wouldn’t give a full picture of who I am. So I’ve decided to break my silence. I decided to start writing because I wanted to have a record of my transformation, and my hope is that I may help others on their journey also, so leaving out this part won’t be a full picture of my journey.

***This post deviates from my usual safe topics, and I’m about to embark on one that’s seen as a bit taboo, but if you’ve read any of my other posts you’ll no I’m never afraid to say what I mean. This topic might be a bit more graphic for some, So this is your opportunity to stop reading. I do encourage you to keep reading though, as always I will give a full picture of what I’m talking about, and by reading all the way to the end, you won’t get any misunderstands about my view.***

So where do I start!

I’m sure that my now most of you should know that I’m Christian, and I believe strongly in my faith. While I’ve been Christian for most of my life, there was a point in my life where I strayed away from my faith. I’ve since returned, and I continue to grow everyday. Late last year I heard a teaching at my church on The Power of Love, and it has changed my view on Sex, and my conduct as a Christian. Since that message I’ve decided to Abstain from sex until I’m married. As a Christian it’s taught that sex outside of Marriage is a Sin. While Christians are generally conservative, it’s my belief that God intended for sex to be something that is ammazing, exciting, and will leave you writhing with pleasure.

“…Then I could kiss you no matter who was watching, and no one would criticize me. I would bring you to my childhood home, and there you would teach me. I would give you spiced wine to drink, my sweet pomegranate wine. Your left arm would be under my head, and your right arm would embrace me… I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers. When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees…”

No that is not a quote from the newest steamy novel, it’s form the Bible, specifically Song of Solomon 8. I know this is just one chapter, but there are several other cases of this type of language.

So how should I behave!

“Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people” – Ephesians 5:3 (NLT)

Here we learn that many sexual behavior is condemned outside of a covenant relationship. It’s also interesting to note that the Greek word pornea is used here, which is the word for pornography. Impurity, meaning washed clean; also referring to being in a self-serving mind set. Lastly greed referring to not getting your own needs met. When we combine the three, we see that Sex is part of the covenant relationship, and taking any action that is self satisfying (including masturbation), or somehow getting your needs met, would constitute as sin. Now I know you’re thinking that with all those rules, it doesn’t leave me much room. Well you’re right, but if you follow the path, it’s also very rewarding in the end. I was practicing this but without much of a method, or a guide on how to conduct myself, I was a bit lost. I read a post from another writer Bryan Reeves, and I believe that through his work on the subject of Male Sexual Energy, I’ve found a kind of Guiding Principles to help me in my walk of abstinence.

Doing nothing is a Option!

Since very young, men are taught to respond to a female’s presence by acknowledging her with an action. Then as a teen we’reMan looking at woman thought that if we see a beautiful girl, “we’re to go get her number” or “go talk to her.” In instances where a few males are gathered together, at the mere hint of a female, it seems they become a pack of apes, hollering and hooting at her. For the male that doesn’t replicate this behavior, he is seen as weird, and the most hated question “why wont’ you go talk to her? do you not like girls?”  Bryan suggests that instead of responding in the way we’ve learnt all our life, what if we acknowledge that we’re aroused, and then do nothing! Additionally there seems to be the idea that on the opposite side of sexual arousal is a relationship. The “I think she’s hot, so I must start a relationship with her” syndrome. As I’m sure you all know physical attraction is only a very small element of a successful relationship. How many people have met someone very attractive, and things fizzled very quickly after. By not acting on every sexual urge, we give the other parts of our brain to process and think. A man is a visual creature, and a woman’s body is curvaceous, and with every rise and fall or her skin, it brings a very strong arousal in a man. In many cases though, you don’t just go around having sex with every attractive person you see, so how has doing nothing not caught on yet?

Delayed Gratification brings greater pleasure later!

By not giving into every single sexual feeling, I can learn to harness it in one direction. Women imagine if your guy comes home, you’re sitting on the couch reading a book/watching TV (in hopes of not being chauvinistic or stereotypical, this seemed a better example). He’s been thinking about you all day, and he can harness all that sexual energy into not just being sensual, but also be ravishing. Then you have one of those toe curling episodes, where you feel satiated rather than the usual “Ok get away from me now feeling.” As Bryan suggests, instead of focusing purely on a woman’s physical body, you learn to respect, and understand her mind and body as one. By channeling all your energy into one relationship, it gives greater focus. By understanding that you will have periods where you’ll be sexually aroused, and sometimes by others who’s not your spouse, you learn that you don’t have to act on it. By understanding that this is how you were made, there is also no guilt, but when you do decide to act, it’s in a focused direction.

So what does this have to do with Anything!

By practicing abstinence, not only am I fulfilling my Biblical directives, but I’m also keeping my sexual energy for a committed relationship. Understanding that I will be sexually aroused, but that I don’t have to act, helps me to harness my energy. Harnessing my energy helps me to focus all of that energy on one person, in explosive passion and service. I’m only at the beginning of my journey, so it’s too soon to really tell what the benefits will be. From my experience so far, I’ve felt an awakening in me though. By not objectifying women, I’ve began to see them more that physical objects, that I have to acknowledge in some kind of prehistoric display. As I continue to learn, I anticipate that I will get to the next stage, mind and body.

**Thank you for reading, I hope it wasn’t too bad. I wanted to give a clearer picture of my journey and what I’m hoping to accomplish. As with my last post, I hope that this can help spark conversations between men and women. There is a greater love and level of satisfaction for everyone out there. Imagine a world where we learn to harness and perfect our sexual energy. Seem to me there could be more peace!!**

 

 

Master of YOUR Universe!!

“Oh Great today is going to be crap! Why can’t I have a great day today? There’s no way I’m going to be able to accomplish any of these things!”

Have you ever started your day off telling yourself these things? I caught myself thinking negatively about the upcoming day today. Not entirely sure why I was thinking this way, besides I had just gotten out of bed, the day hadn’t even had an opportunity to go either good or bad. Although I hadn’t even started my day, I was already thinking negatively. Not to worry I gave myself a mental kick in the rear, and ran as far away from that train of thought as possible. I thought it was interesting though, although I hadn’t even embarked on my day, I was already telling myself that it was somehow going to not go well.

Hope

I have hope because what’s the alternative to hope? Despair? If you have despair, you might as well put your head in the oven. – Studs Terkel.

I don’t think of myself as one of those people who sees the world through negative lenses, but somehow I was allowing myself to start the day on an unhealthy journey. The world is full of many things we can’t control, but I do have some control over my attitude and how I approach my day.

Based on my brief moment of insanity, here’s what I came away with:

  • Approach each day ready for the possibilities, by starting with a positive attitude, it will dictate how you approach things. An attitude of excitement and confidence, rather than feeling defeated and hopeless.
  • Be content with what I do have. Although having goals is a good thing, I also want to spend time in the present. Enjoy and appreciate the things I do have. I’m grateful that I have health, and freedom to practice any religion or way of life I choose. I have a job and there are endless possibilities that they can lead me to. Sure this is not where I’d like to end up, but if I’m not paying attention to my footsteps, how will I know where I’m going.
  • Take time to relax and enjoy. Even if it’s something as simple as my lunch, or observing people than come into my work, people watching can be a lot of fun.
  • Remember that I have control over my attitude, no one else can dictate how I feel about certain things. By recognizing that I have control, I will not give that up to someone else.

You can be the Master of your own Universe, don’t let other people dictate how your day will go. Well at least don’t give them the control to do it!

Master of the Universe

Giving Thanks, Even for my Tribulations!

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First of all I know you’re wondering why I’m taking time to write, when I could be getting full on food. I read in a post today to listen to your muse, don’t deny or stifle her. So thought I’d get these few word down and posted. As everyone is giving thanks for all the good things they have, it got me thinking. Aside for the good things, what else am I thankful for? What about my trials and disappointments, am I thankful for those too; after all they were great life lessons. It’s easy to look at good things and say, “yea I’m definitely thankful for those things.” I know in my life I’ve had bad things that happened, but that also changed me for the good afterwards; I’m thankful for those too. Although there are plenty of good things that I’m thankful for, I’m going to take time to reflect on things that weren’t exactly good, but had shaped me afterwards.

I grew up in a country that seemed worlds apart from where I am now, we always had food and shelter, but there were limitations. So why am I thankful for this? It’s taught me to be content with little, I don’t need big extravagant gifts and presents, something small and thoughtful goes a long way. My childhood has also though me to be goal oriented, and strive hard to make a better life for myself and generations after me. That tenacity has helped me through school, since education has always been a big part of my life; education represented a way to transcend your circumstances. I was also an only child for 13 years, that’s helped me to be ok with being in quiet spaces. Taking time to reflect and contemplating my past and future. I’ve always been a thinker, and those days sitting at the window and thinking of going to America, the place where apparently the streets were made of gold, helped shape who I am now. Of course now that I’m here, the streets aren’t made of gold, and you still have to work quite hard to get what you want.

For a long time I thought that not being married and having a family of my own, was a downfall. I think over the years I’ve matured and would make a much better husband and father. I’ve learnt to embrace who I am, and I’ve learnt so much about myself by just focusing on me. What’s so good about that you ask? People are complicated, relationships are even more complicated. Over the past few years relationships of mine have started and ended, and so have those of friends. For me although there were several reasons why those relationships ended, one of the constants were that we’re all figuring out ourselves. Adding another person to that equation made it more complicated than it needed to be. Of course we’re all familiar with the famous “you’re not the same person as when we first met.” Then there came that dreaded question, ‘Is this the right person for me, are they helping me to achieve the best me?’ Of course I now believe that those people who are no longer in our lives, were put there at that point to help us get to the next point. For that reason I don’t look at failed relationships as something negative, I see them as an opportunity to grow. Call me a romantic or idiot, I do believe that there is someone out there for me ‘The One’. Together we’ll help each other achieve the best us. I’ve come to believe that’s what a relationship should be about. A good loving relationship should be one where both people are benefiting equally, rather than one person getting more, or some other variance of that.

I’m thankful for my job, and no it’s not for the obvious reasons, like having money and security. I’m currently doing something that I thought I would enjoy; I’ve unfortunately learnt that I’m not passionate about it. Not being passionate about my job is effecting me more negatively than I thought it would; it’s effecting me much more than everything else. Yes I’m aware that plenty of people are doing things that they’re not passionate about. I’ve had other jobs in the past, where the pay wasn’t that good, I may not have liked my boss, or even liked the company. However I liked what I did, and that motivated me to go in day after day, be positive and do the best I can. That’s because I liked what I did, and that intrinsic motivation got me through, and kept me working 100% day after day. What’s so different now? As I’m learning more about myself I’ve learnt that although I like structure, I still what autonomy, I want to work and not have anyone looking over my shoulder. I like the people I work with, and there are a lot of great things about my company, but deep down I now I’m not passionate about what I’m doing. Sometimes I feel that without passion I can become my own enemy, or maybe I’m just over thinking it and I’ll be fine.

I’m thankful for these few examples because they represent parts of my life I thought I’d have a handle on my now, heck I’m approaching my mid 30’s and I’m still not married, have a great career, and own my own home. While those things are important, I’m learning that even with those things, I can still feel empty and lost inside. So despite not having those things I’m still happy with whom I’ve become, and I know that there is a purpose for me here. I’m learning that I’m where I’m needed, I’ve found that I’ve been available for others at just the right time, just when they really needed someone to talk to, or that encouraging word. Of course the one thread holding it all together is my faith. I’ve found my way back to god, or maybe I’ve realized that I’ve never actually lost him. There is much more to those examples that I’ve given, those are some of my low points that come to mind. I’ve learnt to have faith, and trust that I’ll continue to live day by day, and that I’ll always have the support I need. Maybe it’s a friend reaching out when I needed one, maybe it’s a random post on Facebook, or even an encouraging word. It all makes me feel that I’m loved and will always have the support of god, my family and friends.

So while everyone else is being thankful for all the good in their life, I’m taking time to reflect on things that seemed bad, but turned out to be a great life lesson. So what about you, what have you learnt from your trials and challenges. It’s easy to be thankful for good situations, but what challenging situation can you be thankful for today.