Ahh! If only I can do it all over again!

Hindsight

I think one of my best qualities is that I can be a bit of a Romantic, sorry but I don’t mean in the ‘give flowers’ or  ‘writing love ballads’ or even ‘saying sweet nothings into your ear’ kinda way. Well it’s not that I don’t like doing those things. I’m talking about the thing many of us do, we look to the future or back at the past, and we see things through those wonderful rose colored glasses. Where you said the right words, and got exactly the outcome you were looking for. You saw that cute girl/guy, came up with a witty comment, and now you have a date set for a few days. Of course reality looks a lot different, the witty thing got you blank stares, and worse yet, you don’t have a date set for next week. I’m talking about that kind of romanticizing. While it could be as a result of Movies, or Society, or my upbringing, or a whole range of things. I think it’s just another part of my personality, and it can me used for good or bad. Growing up back in Georgetown, and not the Brownstones of Washington DC, but in Guyana (please refrain from thinking I’m talking about Guinea in the continent of Africa). It was common for me to pass the day at the window at the front of our house looking out at the world beyond. This lead to not only my love of Airplanes, but my ability to look to the future, and imagine it in all it’s glory and potential. My imagination was my virtual playground, sometimes I wonder if I should have been an artist, but then again I was never good at using colors anyway. Today my life doesn’t look anything as I had imagined, I barely recognize myself. Sometimes I wonder if I’m watching a movie, and think that I’m going to wake up at any moment.

Would I really had done it differently!

I’m sure that this isn’t an isolated problem in my wild imagination, but something that most people recognize in themselves. I find myself thinking those famous words, “if only I had a chance to do it all again!” I found myself thinking about where I am today, and as if on que, I asked “what would I had done differently?” But that’s the joke isn’t it, that’s the fallacy we often find ourselves believing don’t we? The truth is that at the time, whether it turned out to be a good or a bad decision; I made the decision that was best at that time. Meaning that with all the information I had in front of me at the time, I made a calculated decision, and I went with it. So to say that if I could go back in time I would do it any differently, well that’s just a lie I’m telling myself. Even if I was to wake up tomorrow and be 10 years younger, would I know then what I knew today?

It’s idiotic to think that I some how decided to make a bad decision in the past, which led me here. When in reality I made a decision at the time based on all the facts. Now that I’m in the future, I can look back and see the product of my decision.

Am I doomed to repeat past mistakes!

My active imagination also works overtime, I find that I compare myself to other’s all the time. Sometimes it’s not even an active thought, but something that seems to have a mind of it’s own. I’ve mentioned in many posts that I’m not where I’d like to be. Meaning that @ 34 yrs old/young, I didn’t imagine I’d still be un-married, no children, no career to speak of. Then again I always did things at a different pace. With each day I’m growing and learning, while I do look back, experience is showing me that I’m making the best decisions I can. Looking back now I can say that I felt strong emotions about not taking the step I took. So I can say with certainty that I made the right decision, the truth is today I’m older and wiser. Given the same choices today, I know that I would do things differently, but that’s today. No use romanticizing about the past or the future, in the future I’ll know more than I did today, so those decisions will be different too. I can say that my life today is different than it was 1 year ago. I’m learning to forgive myself for past mistakes. While they serve as a reminder, and a testament to by growth, my past is just that. I’m thankful that I have the gumption to learn from my mistakes, and that I can stop myself from romanticizing too much about the past, to learn to be grateful for these moments I have.

Asking WHY isn’t the right question

I was not planning on including this section, but after reading a few posts, and reflecting from the Church sermon from this weekend. This section seems to add a few more layers. Thank you SingleStrides for your post that also coincided with what I was writing, and is a good segue to a conclusion. Tragedy, pain, and heartbreak are not isolated to some people, but it’s a shared experience we ALL have. Sometimes things happen and we ask WHY? I think it’s interesting that even though we as humans have a limited understanding, we try to explain away everything to just one finite answer. The problem is that sometimes there are so many treads and outcomes that results in something bad happening. I’ve learnt from my personal experience and those around me, that sometimes when we experience pain, it’s not always a direct result of our actions. What I have come to understand in my moments of reflection is that although I experienced pain, what came out of it made me stronger. In cases where I experienced personal pain or heartbreak, I was able to either connect better to my faith and core values, or I was put on the right path if I was off. Of course I recognize that this simplified explanation is exactly what I was talking about earlier, trying to make simple the complicated. Now what I’m not saying is “EVERYTHING happens for a reason.” Sometimes terrible thing happen and there is no explanation, why did someone have to die, why is there so much violence, hunger, etc in the world. Instead of focusing on the why, I’ve learnt through my experiences that focusing on whether a particular event is an opportunity for growth, is a better focus for my attention. An opportunity to increase in my faith, live closer to my Ethical Compass, or become a better version of myself. In some of those instances my prayers were answered, it’s just that I didn’t like the answer. I’ve also learnt that despite my own desires, I’m Exactly where I need to be. Of course there could have been so many other versions to my story, but today I’m here, and so are you. If you’re reading this and it resonates with you, then we’re both in the right place. It’s not really beneficial for me to question whether I’m where I should be. If I’m too busy asking questions, I’m not living, I’m not experiencing my full potential.

We only have this life to life right now, all we can do is our Best. If you approach each day giving it ALL that you’re capable of that day, no one can hold that against you. I’m fortunate to have the opportunity to share the same space with people who are out there living their lives. To those who don’t take no for an answer and let others define you. To my fellow bloggers, you’re an inspiration to me each day. To my friend S. yes you do inspire me, and I’m writing this because you kept nagging, pushing me to keep writing.

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I’m over you, now what! 4 Things to consider before your next Relationship

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“There’s plenty of fish in the sea” “you deserve better” “you’ll find someone else better” “you were never right for each other” Who has not heard these quotes, while they’re well intentioned, why do they not make anything actually better? I’m not sure if this is the season for it, or why, but I keep seeing posts about people going through heart break. While I’m currently not in a relationship, and it’s been several years since my last one, there are a few things that I’ve noticed that seem to help people around me get over their loss. “Get Over” their break-up isn’t the best way to phrase it either, deal with it in a healthy way is probably a better way to look at it. The truth is a break-up will always hurt, even years after, we learn how to not let it affect us the same way. I don’t claim to be a relationship expert, or even a novice for that matter, these are just a few tools that I’d like for you to consider.

Love yourself first

A friend of my told me this a few months back and it has stuck with me since. “You want to understand yourself, not know yourself.” Meaning that knowing something is more as if you’re accomplished all that you can, while understanding is more of a evolutionary process. Loving yourself first is important because of the EGO. When I say your ego, I don’t mean the small voice that convinces you that you can lift that large obstacle, or that you can overcome anything that get’s put in your way, or that you’re more beautiful than others think you are. I’m talking about that voice that tells you “you’re not good enough” “you’re not beautiful enough” “you will NEVER accomplish that goal you set out to do.” This life as we know it is filled with both positive and negative, and when it comes to the EGO, people generally think of the positive side and forget the negative. If you’re constantly having negative self-talk, there isn’t a person in the world that will make this magically stop. Additionally if you’re looking for someone to “complete you” or “make you better” you typically aren’t confident about yourself. Loving yourself first means that you don’t let negative self-talk dictate your day. We all have those negative feelings, some people learn how not to take it seriously. Loving yourself first means that you put your well-being first, by putting yourself first you ensure that your needs are also met. What I’m not saying is to not be loving and kind to others, but imagine a scale if you will. If helping someone is going to come at a far greater negative impact to you, perhaps you should reconsider helping them. Loving yourself first means that you set realistic boundaries, that you are open and honest about your well-being, and that you don’t let others take advantage of you.

What’s your Compass

“I believe in honesty, even when no one is looking”

“I want to have 2 kids, a boy and a girl”

“I believe that my wife should have a choice whether she wants to work or not”

“I want a partner that shares my faith”

“I want a partner that will help me be a better version of MYSELF, and me HER”

My list is much longer, but those are some of the things that are important to me, and I’m looking for someone who has a similar list. Then together we can help each other accomplish our life goals, being together is mutually beneficial. I’m well aware that some couples might not have the same exact goals, but lets’ look at an example for comparison. Lets say the husband wants to be a Doctor, and he wants to help impoverished people, his wife in turn wants to be a Lawyer, who also helps impoverished people. While they don’t have the same career goals, can you see how they can still accomplish their overall goal together? He can provide medical services, while she helps with legal and equality issues for the same group of people. The two of them together can form an organization that helps people.  While this is a hypothetical couple, it illustrates the point well, they don’t have the same specific career goals, but by partnering they can help actualize their full potentials. Simply put, that person helps you accomplish YOUR goals, without diverting you from your path. By knowing where it is you want to go, you can help identify the person that will be the right co-pilot for you, given your goals.

WHY matters more than WHO

You meet someone, they’re attractive, you share a few things in common, and you also feel sexual chemistry. “Wow we have so much in common, would you like to go on a date?” While this is ok for a first date, having a long term relationship should be way more complicated than that. What are their life goals, what are their core values? Do they want to have children, how many do they want to have? How are they going to help me accomplish the things I’ve already set for my life? Have you ever broken up with someone, and then think to yourself “Wow they were totally wrong for me!” If that was the case, why were you together for months, why together for 5 years; worse yet why were you about to marry that person? Psychologist have coined the term “limerence” or “the honeymoon phase.” They both refer to the stage where you’re infatuated with someone, and it’s partly because of the chemical reactions taking place in your body. You find them highly attractive, even though you don’t share everything in common, you feel as though you do. While somethings should be red-flags, you’re willing to overlook their flaws. Scientists have said that this could last anywhere from 6 months to 2 years of a new relationship. While I’m not saying that those feelings aren’t real, what I am saying is that your body is having a chemical reaction, one in which you don’t have much control over. Forming a life together isn’t a small step, but if it’s based on only your physical attraction and sexual chemistry, you’re in for a huge surprise! At some point in your relationship, that insatiable attraction you felt in the beginning will fade, your animalistic sex drive will also fade. That is why it’s important to base you decisions on “the why” you’re with that person, that’s why your compass and life goals matter. That way your relationship won’t be based on just physical attraction and sexual chemistry.

Golden Rule of Relationships

I’m sure everyone is familiar with “Do unto others as you would like them do to you!” For simplicity, lets say that you like your coffee black, with no sugar or cream. Let’s say that your friend likes their’s with some honey, 2 sugars, and 5 creamers. If you’re getting your friend coffee, would you get it the way you like, or the way they like? If you bring them a straight black coffee with nothing in it, they’d probably spit it out in disgust. So why is it that when you’re doing something “nice” for someone you are more likely to bring them a black coffee, after-all that’s the way YOU like it, why can’t they be more thankful. While that’s a very basic example, it’s the way we tend to view our relationships. When you give someone something , you tend to give them something you’d like, and then you wonder why they never used your gift again. When it comes to relationships, I think the Platinum rule should apply, “Do unto others as they would like done to them.” Should you treat everyone with honesty, respect and love, of course you should. At the same time there are times where you have to consider their preference before you do something. This is why I believe that open and honest communication goes a long way, and why we should spend time actually getting to KNOW people. This is especially important if we’re going to be in a committed long-term relationship with them. A great resource I’ve found is learning about The 5 Love Languagesif you find that you don’t agree with anything I’ve said so far, I hope you’ll at least consider this resource. This is probably one of the biggest obstacles facing most everyday relationship, those that aren’t somehow dysfunctional.

While these are just a few snapshots of things to consider, realistically your list will be much longer. You have to consider aside from your physical attraction and a few things in common, why are they in your life? How is this person helping or deterring you from YOUR goals. If you’re planning to be in it for the Long-haul, there are soo many things to consider. The point is that you have to base your decisions on some intangible goals also. By loving yourself first you will have room and energy to devote to loving someone else, rather than learning to love two people at the same time. By looking at what’s below the surface, their values, beliefs, and life goals, you can make a better choice of who will be best for YOU. Why that person specifically, what do you have to gain by having them in YOUR life? Finally having open and honest communication about the things that matter most to you is essential, how will you communicate what’s important to you? It’s a scary thought, but do you have the courage to walk away if that is not the wisest relationship choice for you. Better yet, what if you can know this relatively soon in the relationship, so that you don’t have to experience more pain and heart break after a life together for years.

Just a few thing to consider, I’d love to hear some feedback. What’s on your list, what will you do differently to ensure that your next relationship lasts for the long-haul? Do you have the courage to ask the tough questions? Are you heading into your relationships with all your wits about you?

What if I tell you to Keep Going, even if you’re not Successful!!

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Have you ever had that feeling of being tired, tired of doing the same things without the effect you desire? A few days ago it hit be like a brick, while I’m continuing to move forward, I was just tired of running the race. I needed a break from the Rat Race. In a few of my other posts I may have mentioned that I’m single, and that I’m also struggling to figure out what to do for a career. The past rear has been great spiritually, I’ve made a lot of progress in finding myself, and becoming a better man. I feel much more prepared to one day be a husband and father. With all my progress it dawned on me that in a few month it would have been 2 years since I was in a Relationship. I’ll be the first person to tell you to take YOUR time, don’t let anyone else tell you when’s a good time to move on. But I couldn’t help thinking, wow has that much time passed already. I also celebrated by 34th Birthday a few weeks ago, and while I’m on a path, I don’t have a clear picture of my destination. I have a job that has a potential of becoming a career, but it’s also not part of my vision for myself. So in a nutshell, both of these realizations hit me all at once, I’m so not where I’d like to be. You’d think that this would have sent me into a tail spin of depression, but a few days later, I’m actually very hopeful. The past year has thought me one thing for sure, I always have what I need when I need it. I just need to tap into it. So today I’d like to share with you why I’m still in a great mood, after I realized that I’m not as close to my dreams as I’d like to be.

I’m blessed with certain Gifts by my Creator, because I’m ME!

Living my the mantra, I’m where I need to be, has served me well. Last year around this time, I began to move towards figuring out myself, and what my purpose was. I took a course through my church that helped me to figure out what my Spiritual Gifts were. It was interesting that I took a few Personality Inventories that I was already familiar with from my Undergraduate studies, but I had never made the connection before this. Understanding how I could give back to others helped me with my focus. I also learnt my gift at just the right time, I was able to help close friends through their various break-ups. Through my relationship woes, I began to focus on how people behaved, and tried to find keys to have a better relationship. If it wasn’t for my relationship problems it would never had been my focus. I’m blessed with the gifts I have because I’m me, and those gifts serve ME well. My gifts aren’t something abstract, they are rather part of me.

Do what works, continue to do it even if it hasn’t paid off yet!

“One must, from time to time, attempt things that are beyond one’s capacity. The pain passes but the beauty remains” – Pierre Auguste Renoir

I never knew that the famous Painter Renoir suffered from severe arthritis, so much so that his hands were deformed, yet he continued to make beautiful works of art. Would you have done the same, given his severe handicap and excruciating pain, why go on? When I think of my current struggles in finding a career that’s right for me, this gives me inspiration. Sure I might not be where I think I should be, but that doesn’t mean I’m not where I need to be right now. With each passing moment I learn new things about myself, I learn what I’m capable of and what my limits are. Those are valuable traits to learn when you want to invest time into a career. While I’m not in that career now, it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to get it eventually. I’m in a good place, I know how I can help others, and even though it’s just on a small scale right now, I don’t know what the future holds. Today I went for a Hike/Run (meaning that I run unless it’s a very steep climb, then I hike), there was a point where I wanted to stop all together, it was yet another steep incline. Although my muscles felt tired and tight, I kept going, then eventually I began to pick up speed again. Before I knew it I was running at my normal pace, it seemed that I was even picking up speed. This reminds me of life, sure sometimes you want to stop, to quit, but if you can push through, soon you’ll be running again. The steep climb that you were experiencing is behind you, you don’t even think of it anymore.

 “Maybe we are not supposed to find the pieces. Maybe we are the pieces.” –  Peter Sollett

In another post I was reading Labels and Independence, while this talks specifically about relationships, I found worth in this statement. Instead of looking for what we need out there, as in I’m going to find the perfect career, I’m going to find the person that makes me complete. We should start looking from within, start with what you’re good at, or perhaps find something about your current job that you like. Then make that something that you focus on, and find ways to improve it. Similarly with relationships, start with yourself, don’t look to someone else to define or make you whole. Sure we want to find a partner that enhances who we are, but we should be able to define ourselves without someone else. This week was easier than last week for me, I made a small change to by daily routine. I made it a point to incorporate something I love doing into each day. There’s something satisfying in knowing that I helped someone solve a problem, or made their life better. So each day I would try to write a comment to at least one post I read, and it did improve my overall mood. Despite what was going on at my job, I was still doing something that made me happy.

May your week be filled with joy, peace and love. I hope that we can all continue to run the race, even though you might want to give up, keep going you’ll find your pace again.  Also I hope that you recognize that you already possess everything you need to succeed. The people and resources you need now are already in front of you, it’s just a matter of tapping into them.

Coming into my Masculinity Full Circle

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I was speaking to a friend last night after she read my last post, while she thought it was a great post; and that it revealed another layer to me. She did point out that I always seem to stay away from sex, and she was right, I was intentional in that. I soon realized though that she was right, it’s a vital part of who I am, and to not talk about that aspect, wouldn’t give a full picture of who I am. So I’ve decided to break my silence. I decided to start writing because I wanted to have a record of my transformation, and my hope is that I may help others on their journey also, so leaving out this part won’t be a full picture of my journey.

***This post deviates from my usual safe topics, and I’m about to embark on one that’s seen as a bit taboo, but if you’ve read any of my other posts you’ll no I’m never afraid to say what I mean. This topic might be a bit more graphic for some, So this is your opportunity to stop reading. I do encourage you to keep reading though, as always I will give a full picture of what I’m talking about, and by reading all the way to the end, you won’t get any misunderstands about my view.***

So where do I start!

I’m sure that my now most of you should know that I’m Christian, and I believe strongly in my faith. While I’ve been Christian for most of my life, there was a point in my life where I strayed away from my faith. I’ve since returned, and I continue to grow everyday. Late last year I heard a teaching at my church on The Power of Love, and it has changed my view on Sex, and my conduct as a Christian. Since that message I’ve decided to Abstain from sex until I’m married. As a Christian it’s taught that sex outside of Marriage is a Sin. While Christians are generally conservative, it’s my belief that God intended for sex to be something that is ammazing, exciting, and will leave you writhing with pleasure.

“…Then I could kiss you no matter who was watching, and no one would criticize me. I would bring you to my childhood home, and there you would teach me. I would give you spiced wine to drink, my sweet pomegranate wine. Your left arm would be under my head, and your right arm would embrace me… I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers. When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees…”

No that is not a quote from the newest steamy novel, it’s form the Bible, specifically Song of Solomon 8. I know this is just one chapter, but there are several other cases of this type of language.

So how should I behave!

“Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people” – Ephesians 5:3 (NLT)

Here we learn that many sexual behavior is condemned outside of a covenant relationship. It’s also interesting to note that the Greek word pornea is used here, which is the word for pornography. Impurity, meaning washed clean; also referring to being in a self-serving mind set. Lastly greed referring to not getting your own needs met. When we combine the three, we see that Sex is part of the covenant relationship, and taking any action that is self satisfying (including masturbation), or somehow getting your needs met, would constitute as sin. Now I know you’re thinking that with all those rules, it doesn’t leave me much room. Well you’re right, but if you follow the path, it’s also very rewarding in the end. I was practicing this but without much of a method, or a guide on how to conduct myself, I was a bit lost. I read a post from another writer Bryan Reeves, and I believe that through his work on the subject of Male Sexual Energy, I’ve found a kind of Guiding Principles to help me in my walk of abstinence.

Doing nothing is a Option!

Since very young, men are taught to respond to a female’s presence by acknowledging her with an action. Then as a teen we’reMan looking at woman thought that if we see a beautiful girl, “we’re to go get her number” or “go talk to her.” In instances where a few males are gathered together, at the mere hint of a female, it seems they become a pack of apes, hollering and hooting at her. For the male that doesn’t replicate this behavior, he is seen as weird, and the most hated question “why wont’ you go talk to her? do you not like girls?”  Bryan suggests that instead of responding in the way we’ve learnt all our life, what if we acknowledge that we’re aroused, and then do nothing! Additionally there seems to be the idea that on the opposite side of sexual arousal is a relationship. The “I think she’s hot, so I must start a relationship with her” syndrome. As I’m sure you all know physical attraction is only a very small element of a successful relationship. How many people have met someone very attractive, and things fizzled very quickly after. By not acting on every sexual urge, we give the other parts of our brain to process and think. A man is a visual creature, and a woman’s body is curvaceous, and with every rise and fall or her skin, it brings a very strong arousal in a man. In many cases though, you don’t just go around having sex with every attractive person you see, so how has doing nothing not caught on yet?

Delayed Gratification brings greater pleasure later!

By not giving into every single sexual feeling, I can learn to harness it in one direction. Women imagine if your guy comes home, you’re sitting on the couch reading a book/watching TV (in hopes of not being chauvinistic or stereotypical, this seemed a better example). He’s been thinking about you all day, and he can harness all that sexual energy into not just being sensual, but also be ravishing. Then you have one of those toe curling episodes, where you feel satiated rather than the usual “Ok get away from me now feeling.” As Bryan suggests, instead of focusing purely on a woman’s physical body, you learn to respect, and understand her mind and body as one. By channeling all your energy into one relationship, it gives greater focus. By understanding that you will have periods where you’ll be sexually aroused, and sometimes by others who’s not your spouse, you learn that you don’t have to act on it. By understanding that this is how you were made, there is also no guilt, but when you do decide to act, it’s in a focused direction.

So what does this have to do with Anything!

By practicing abstinence, not only am I fulfilling my Biblical directives, but I’m also keeping my sexual energy for a committed relationship. Understanding that I will be sexually aroused, but that I don’t have to act, helps me to harness my energy. Harnessing my energy helps me to focus all of that energy on one person, in explosive passion and service. I’m only at the beginning of my journey, so it’s too soon to really tell what the benefits will be. From my experience so far, I’ve felt an awakening in me though. By not objectifying women, I’ve began to see them more that physical objects, that I have to acknowledge in some kind of prehistoric display. As I continue to learn, I anticipate that I will get to the next stage, mind and body.

**Thank you for reading, I hope it wasn’t too bad. I wanted to give a clearer picture of my journey and what I’m hoping to accomplish. As with my last post, I hope that this can help spark conversations between men and women. There is a greater love and level of satisfaction for everyone out there. Imagine a world where we learn to harness and perfect our sexual energy. Seem to me there could be more peace!!**

 

 

Adversity leads to Triumph!!

Change Ahead

With the holidays behind me, now it’s that time of the year, you know when you make all those promises you’ll never follow through with!! Time for those New Years Resolutions! Well that will be another post to follow in a few days, I wanted to take some time to look back at my year in review. A friend of my put it best “…you have been exposed to some eye opening experiences.” She is certainly right 2013 has been a year of adversity, but I’ve learnt soo much from it.

For me I see adversity as an opportunity for growth, I can bore you with endless quotes of how you can triumph over your Strong Foundationtrials, but as you’re in it, that just seems like a bunch of hog wash. It’s afterwards when you’re in the reflecting stage that you see that your trials were an opportunity to grow, and as you implement those changes  for the future that’s when the growth happens. I think very few people can realize in the middle of something “hey I should use this bad opportunity to learn something.” Don’t feel bad if you don’t learn life lessons until after you’re out of the situation, on the plus side you’re at least aware that growth can come from bad situations. 2013 has been an interesting year for me, bad things happened to people around me, and that’s where the most of the growth happened for me. I can think of 3 friends in particular who I know I made a positive impact on, I showed up at just the right moment, to say or point out what they already knew. For a long time I resented myself for my last failed relationship, I never forgive myself, I’ve since taken a different view on life. I believe that some people are in our lives for a season, and they have a specific purpose.  My last relationship thought me not to be as structured, to stop and enjoy life as it happened around me. Whether it’s my military background or perhaps my upbringing, sometimes I can be too structured, too rigid. Once I learned to relax, I learnt to appreciate the beauty of life, I learnt to trust my instincts more, I learnt what my natural gift was. My faith is definitely stronger, and I have a relationship with God again, and I’ve learnt all that this past year.

Although 2013 seemed to be a year of adversity, I feel as though it’s preparing me for what lies next. I believe in my heart that 2014 will be a year of triumph. I feel that I will be put on the path to actualizing my true potential. I think that I will find Love, or it will find me. I’m learning to be more kind and loving. To be more authentic, to show my true self and not be afraid to show who IClimbing MOuntain am. It sounds silly but why not show my authentic self, if I want people to love me for who I am; showing my authentic self sounds like a no brainer. I read somewhere that if you want to find love, you should be love, because love attracts love. Although I have all these revelations, lets not be naive, change is hard, and it will not be an easy journey. I’ve come to an amazing revelation though, we always have the tools and people around us we need. Think about it, at every moment in the past that you’ve overcome a difficult situation, you always had what you needed to get through it. I’ve also come to learn that I know some pretty ammazing women, and they have all inspired me to be a better Man in their own way. As a side note if any of them happen to read this, you’ll get your own  special recognition from me in an email addressed just to you.

So what will I need to take on this next challenge? I already believe that I have all the right tools and people around me; I just have to commit to it now. In reflecting to write this I thought about why I didn’t get the things I wanted earlier. Aside from not being ready, and perhaps not having all the tools together until now, maybe I’m part of the problem. For sometime now I’ve felt that my drive has been missing. Take the Marines for example, it was physically and mentally tough, plus so much more to overcome. Another aspect I rarely talk about is my fear of water, I’ll avoid the water because I’m not comfortable in it. A big part of my training was passing the Swim Qualifications. I had worked for 10 weeks and if I couldn’t overcome that, it would have all been wasted. That didn’t stop me from getting in the pool, well that and the scary guy yelling at me. That was nearly 15 years ago, do I need a Drill Instructor yelling at me to get off my butt now? I read a great article on The Daily LoveAll of your Relationships are Assignments” where the writer talks about the role your Ego plays in your decision making. I think that I’ve gotten to a stage where I feel entitled, I feel that I’ve worked hard, so certain things should just be handed to me. Perhaps that’s my Ego lying to me, it’s feeding me a version of my reality that isn’t true. I need to trust in my heart, to know that decisions that come from there come from a place of love. Besides I have my faith in God to rely on, what better person to lean on for guidance and inspiration.

The  past year has been filled with many lessons, but I’m confident that what lies ahead is going to be amazing. Just as a rolling stone gains more momentum as it goes down hill, I will gain more confidence as I take each step. What about you, what have you learnt this past year, what will you do differently? Is 2014 going to be your year of Triumph, if not Why? What’s stopping you, other than you!