What does it mean to be a Strong Man!!

When you think about that phrase, it’s a bit of an oxymoron, because a strong man doesn’t necessarily mean a guy with muscleA Strong Mans who has great physical strength. I read several articles last week that started me thinking about masculinity, and as I grow older, what does it mean to be a strong man. You can find the full article by Bryan Reeves on “Women are not defective Men” to get more insight about what my general theme is. As I go deeper into my 30’s with each passing day, I find that many of the things which peeked my interest when I was younger are no longer enough. Having an intellectual connection is more fascinating, and far more intriguing. I’ve talked regularly in-dept about a book I read earlier in the year “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. I read an article on The Daily Love yesterday that got me thinking again, for an agreement to be effective, everyone involved has to follow it. As I get older I’m beginning to see that there are many wrong beliefs about what a Man should be, and they lead to statements like:

  • Good men are strong and powerful.
  • Real men don’t cry or show emotions.
  • The Man is supposed to be the provider.
  • The Man is supposed to be a hero, to come in on his white horse to save the damsel in distress.

To many Men money, power, prestige, family (wife and children) are a measure of your man hood. While those things are important, they don’t give the full picture, and what about communication, love, honesty, vulnerability. Why are those things not on the list?

As I was thinking about those things, and as I read Bryan’s article, it was clear that there is so much that men are not taught. To be a functioning and healthy adult (I use the word healthy, because there are many other ways) you need to learn certain things. Going back to what I said about agreements, if we’re not taught these things, and we believe the wrong beliefs that we are taught, then we’re doomed to repeat the same bad choices. As a man there are so many pressures that plague us, and yet in many cases, there are more incentives to perpetuate the wrong beliefs.

So how do you get on the right track. It starts with acknowledging some truths:

  • We’re all human, and that means that we’re capable of emotions, yes even us hard exterior men. Suppressing our emotions in effect is invalidating the gifts we were created with.
  • We must learn that people are different, and that thinking differently or having different values are not right nor wrong. We see the world differently, and that’s ok, it makes us unique not broken.
  • On a level we’re all broken, we all have flaws, it was built into our DNA. While having flaws isn’t an excuse, it’s good to remember that when dealing with others. Sometimes against our best efforts we make mistakes, give others opportunities to correct their mistakes. After-all we’d like the same treatment if the roles were reversed.
  • Learn to embrace our emotions, we were born with 6 senses, if they’re telling us something, we should probably listen. It’s like seeing a wild animal coming towards us with teeth gnashing, and saying “hey you must want to lick me!” By allowing ourselves to feel, we deal with the issue in the moment. Suppressing doesn’t make the emotion go away, it only bottles it up, and it WILL come back, and perhaps at a most inopportune time.
  • Learn to embrace our male and female selves. Men are confident and have a rugged bravado, women are gentler, kind, and caring. Each was made differently, but they were made to combine to produce pure LOVE. By embracing each other’s best qualities, we are able to achieve a more perfect harmony.

To be a well functioning adult male, I must do away with the old mole. I’m not Ryan Gosling, but he’s not be either. So I’ll stop tryingAverage Man to be what I’m not. It’s ok to be me, as I get older I become wiser, well that’s my hope anyway. I must learn to embrace my Male energy, and learn to be in harmony with the mesmerizing and fascinating yet mysterious female energy. I don’t understand it, but perhaps that’s the point. Men are conquerors, and when we do we move on. Perhaps our women are supposed to be a mystery, it keeps us longing and coming back for more as we learn and explore her mysterious deity.

Accepting who I am!

It’s been some time since I’ve written, and I feel as though I’ve learnt so many lessons that I don’t know; where to begin! I guess I’ll go with Happiness. For those of you who actually read my various rants, you’ve probably started to see a theme, that I’m on a self-improvement kick, and I’m learning to accept certain things. What I’m not saying is that you should just accept who you are, if you hate yourself, then NO don’t accept that. I’ve been slowly making some progress, I’ve been trying to align my personal and spiritual life. Instead of focusing on the things I can’t control, I’m putting my energy to being more Loving, more Kind, and Tender. For me I feel those three are the basic tenants to life.

I’ve felt a transformation in myself, and I think others are starting to notice it too. I’m happier, and I do things without expecting anything in return, I’m learning to be more selfless rather than selfish. I have to say though it’s been a struggle, I can’t always be the happy optimistic person, I do have my bad days sometimes. What’s remarkable though is that I’ve been following other’s who are far more experienced than I, and even they have bad days. So the lesson in that is even the experts have problems staying happy all the time. So a novice such as myself (that what I think of myself), it’s no wonder that I have my daily struggles.

Part of being Happy with myself also involves being happy with where I am. I’ve seen how my new perspective on life has helped others. I’ve come to believe that I have a gift for helping others understand the unknown, or perhaps just confirming what they already know. It’s been a journey exploring that, learning to be connected to others. To sense their pain and struggles without being told. I have to say that’s been the most remarkable part of all this. I’m definitely a believer in prayer and meditation, I know that we all have our own Gods; not to worry I’m not judging you, but I think it’s important to believe in a higher power.

Before I get too carried away in this, I should make this last point. I’m starting to believe that everything I’ve experienced in all of my life, has lead me here. I’m here at this exact moment, because there is someone reading this, hearing exactly what they need to hear, at this exact moment. YOU’RE exactly where YOU need to be, yes things have happened in the past. However if you’re reading this, perhaps for the first time you’re ready to receive this message. The past is behind us, you can’t change it, but the Universe or God (depends on your belief system), has given you many opportunities to see this lesson. The only thing you really have control over is what you do next, the past has already happened, it’s too late. But you can make the decision to be happy in the next minute. As I stated earlier I’m struggling to keep this up daily. However it’s transformational, there are so many things that I’ve been struggling to stop doing, now I don’t think about them as much, not that I’ve replaced that with Happiness. Just to be clear I’m not talking about that momentary happiness you get, say when you eat Ice Cream, or get Roses. I’m talking about the one that starts from within you, and grows out like a light. So let your light shine out, let it take you on an adventure, wake up tomorrow seeing the world for the first time. Recognizing that you’re here today, because you’re dreams are just around the corner.