The things we do for Love!

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Love is such a strong word; it can evoke fear with just a whisper and two other words. You know, that first ‘I love you’ in a new relationship. It can fuel a kind of courage and bravado that can take down a lion. Love can also be misunderstood, what is love to you? I read something today that prompted me to sit here and write these few words this late evening. I was reading a popular blog today and one of the writers got me thinking, for as much times we say Love, why do so many people misunderstand what Love really means.

I can’t begin to give a clear eloquent meaning of what love is, so I will borrow these words form someone much smarter, Mastin Kipp

 “Being Loving does NOT mean being a pushover. It does not mean being codependent and putting everyone else first and leaving  yourself empty…There are many different states of Love. There is kind Love. There is angry Love. There is fearful Love (can you    imagine that!?). There is patient Love. There is passionate Love. There is restrained Love…Being Loving doesn’t mean you are always happy.”

I’ve heard people say things like “I thought you loved me, so why are you leaving.” For me this shows that you’re thinking of love in a two dimensional state. I think sometimes people think of love as the end result of putting in a certain amount of work, “I’ve done these set number of things so you should love me.”Take dogs for example, they will love you no matter how you treat them. So why do people think that love is so simple. I feel that love is not so much the end result of a list of actions, but more of a ‘State of Being’.

This brings me to another question. Should you sacrifice who you are, should you stifle your spirit for someone else? Call me selfish but I don’t think you should, because in the end you’ll both be lost. I think that we all have a purpose; people are in our lives for a reason. If we’re too focused on the person and not why they’re here, we may miss the opportunity for growth.

Like everyone else I’ve had my share of heart brakes, but I’ve learnt from that. I’m also learning that Love isn’t selfish; Love doesn’t do something because it EXPECTS a reward. After all it’s Love, it’s cool like that, and it doesn’t care if you noticed it.

I’m learning to be more self-less with my love, and I’ve noticed a change. I’m much more attuned to those around me, and I’m more empathetic to their feelings of pain.

So my point is this, Love isn’t what happens after you’ve checked a couple of boxes, and not because someone is choosing to have a life apart from you, it also means they don’t love you. Love builds over time, and it also fades over time. But my point is that even though someone is apart from you, it doesn’t also mean “See they didn’t love me after-all.” That kind of thinking is just your EGO sheltering you from the truth, you’re telling yourself a lie to make you feel better.

The next time you say those special words ‘I Love you’ what does it mean? Are you saying that because it’s a state of being, a way of life, a set of beliefs and actions that’s entwined into your relationship? Or are you thinking, we’ve been together X amount of years, and I’ve done XYZ for you, so you SHOULD Love me. If you find yourself thinking the latter, here’s your chance to try the other version before it’s too late, before your love walks away!

***I know many of my writings are usually a bit more positive and uplifting. This is a topic that sometimes frustrates me, it’s infuriating to hear someone completely misunderstand what love is. I’ll leave it at that and perhaps I’ll be on a more positive tone tomorrow. Perhaps next it will be why Love is so Great!

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What is Love?

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     I’ve recently been thinking about my life, and how I can live a more fulfilling life. I’d like to be the kind of person who makes others feel better, lift them up, make them feel empowered. But with my own problems to deal with how can I do that, how do I not become another unkind, uncaring, selfish person? The answer is to live a life of Love, Kindness, and Care. This quote from an article I saw summed it up best. (Check out What does Love Want)

Love is like water flowing, dancing down a riverbed. Embracing everything it encounters, water (love) flows smoothly around jagged rocks, finding its way brilliantly into and through the tiniest openings of any obstacle; it never stresses itself to flow uphill or fight against its own perfectly natural way. Sometimes, when amassed in significant strength, the immense force of water’s (love’s) own pure nature can completely obliterate everything in its path!

     A constant though that I’ve been having is that love is more like a state of being’ rather than a list of criteria we have to check off of a list. But how do you get to that state of being, Welcome to your next challenge, it’s not going to be easy, and you will have to battle this daily, but I’m going to stand by this. Of course I’m currently living this new skill, so I’m still in the experimental stage, but others much smarter than me stand by it. Living a life filled with Love, Tenderness, and Kindness isn’t easy, so how do you do it?

     To get a better understanding lets use anger, let’s say you want to get rid of anger or conflict that you’re feeling. Instead of focusing on not getting angry (by the way feelings like anger are normal, you can’t not feel them), focus on being more kind, or loving. One thing to consider is that being kind isn’t about you; you shouldn’t do something kind because you will gain something. You should be kind just because. Because you want someone to get a pleasant experience, or feel loved just because you have a deep feeling that they deserve love.

     So what does this mean, if your goal is to get rid of Rage, Anger, Harsh Words, Malice don’t focus on those feelings, focus on Kindness, Tenderness, and Forgiveness. To compare kindness is easy, it’s liked, it doesn’t worry or cast blame. So by practicing kindness you’ll get one step closer to Love, the state of being rather than a laundry list of things you’re looking to accomplish. Imagine how different the world would be if people were more kind, tender and forgiving. I’ve noticed that in practicing this way of refocusing my life, I’ve felt much better at work, in life, and at home. What’s remarkable is that I feel that people around me are starting to sense that something is different, but now the secret is out. I’ve been meditating, praying and acting with more love, kindness, and forgiveness. So let’s start a trend with us enlightened few, we can start mending the world.